I just had a birthday, which always gets me in a weird state of mind. I had a great time with my family and friends back east, but couldn't help but feel a little sad. I definitely grew up a lot more in the past year, and while I still am young, I can feel myself slipping deeper into my twenties, and all the things that come with that.
My parents didn't bring it up at all, but I could tell they
wondered if I was seeing anyone. This time last year I had a boyfriend. Now I'm solo, and the last date I went on was with a guy at a very well known West Village bar/restaurant in late August. We both had a good time, but I was leaving for school again soon and he was pretty busy (and not in the 'I'm just not that into you' kinda way).
Before I came out, my parents--mom especially--asked me incessantly about what type of girl I liked and when I saw myself getting married. We used to go back and forth over my girl friends, discussing who was worth dating and who wasn't. Maybe it was all a test to see if I was gay, but I didn't know. And I still kind of don't. I've only been out for a little over a year (which feels like forever) and dated one person. So I guess I'm still figuring that out.
And this weekend, as I sat at a Certain West Village Bar known for having attractive, preppy guys, I couldn't find anyone. Not one guy leapt out at me. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong (read: straight places) but I don't think I'll ever meet anyone at David Barton or Eastern Bloc or B Bar that I'm interested in.
Beyond the typical prerequisites (good education, job, takes care of his appearance), it's someone whose sexuality is just one seamless part of their identity. Who can go to the US Open with straight friends but isn't afraid to be seen walking the dog with his boyfriend in Washington Square Park. Someone who wants to come to Maine for the fourth of July and just hang out instead of going to the annual party. Maybe I need to share some inspiration photos so you get the idea?
I'm pretty bad at laying out pics but you get the idea. A little bit of JFK Jr.'s discreet nonchalance (RIP), maybe Paul Newman's looks at his prime, a mix of things. The random guy with the girl...don't know who he is, but if I was 33, I'd probably want to date him. Where's the 24 year old version? And I couldn't help but include the picture of Central Park since it's so beautiful. I think I won't meet anyone worthwhile until I move back to the city in June. So for now, entertaining these fantasies is ok and only mildly depressing.
I guess we all have great expectations. Myself included. Happy autumn.
